wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
