I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
