I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
