First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize