so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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