I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
