matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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