so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
