Me. At least after what I've been through.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
