I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
