i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
