Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
