Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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