I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize