Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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