just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
