pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
