If i come over, it means nothing
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
