Soap is not a condiment
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
