There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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