Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am available for nakedness
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
