you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
