i think i have two assholes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
