Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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