WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize