i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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