i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
