Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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