Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
