between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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