All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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