Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Someone shattered a urinal.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
