I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
