why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
