Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
