My friends, they love my intelligence
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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