I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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