I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
