do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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