I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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