At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
