we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize