i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
