So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
