the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
