when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
