she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
