I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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