she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
