I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
