apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize