I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
