Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
