Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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