A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
