i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
