WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize