i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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