My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
