I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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