This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
