So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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