I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I want a musical about memes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
