I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
