When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
