I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
