I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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