I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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