...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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