i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
