I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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