I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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