I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
