I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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