Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
