You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
