its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need to sanitize my soul.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
