i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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